March 16, 2001
Issue # 38

HEIR TO THE THRONE: BE YOUR OWN GURU
by Grendel

Well I just got back from California and I had a good time hanging out in the Anabolic Extreme Bat Cave. Jason kept trying to get me to wear his Robin Boy Wonder outfit, but I refused. Anyway, it was a very restful two-week vacation. My private life has been improving vastly and I attribute a lot of it to my relaxing stay on the West Coast. Starting next week I will outside of the country, doing some visiting and some “shopping” but just because I am once-again on vacation does not mean I wont be turning in the usual article a week here at Anabolic Extreme. Expect a new installment in the Muscles Aboard series (which covers steroid availability worldwide). Now, lets get down to this weeks article.

For many bodybuilders Dan Duchaine was a king; his passing was a loss to bodybuilding. I never knew him personally, but I read as much of his work as I could. I found him to be bright, arrogant, and amusing. I liked that a lot about him. But in his passing he left behind a throne to be occupied and many minor houses contending for the title. He was the Guru and the inspiration to all those who follow.

Frankly I hate the notion of a guru; there is nothing magical about the process of coaching someone. There is a relatively finite body of knowledge that anyone can access, beyond that it’s a matter of experience and opportunity. I can promise you part of being an awesome Guru is working with genetically talented bodybuilders. Sure, it’s easy to prepare Flex Wheeler for a show; he is a freak of nature. It’s much hard to get results with the regular guy or the hard gainer.

I am not going to sit here and badmouth any one in particular. There are some guys out there who have very advanced degrees who know more about steroids then I can even fathom. A guru doesn’t need to be a doctor, although that wouldn’t hurt. Unfortunately they sometimes get tied up with a supplement line and bodybuilding loses a valuable asset.  Guys like William Llewellyn, Bruce Kneller, and Bill Roberts come to mind.  Oops, I’m sorry, I did say I wasn’t going to badmouth anyone in particular. It’s funny that guys like this will defend their actions by stating that they’ve got to make a living, because Dan Duchaine worked for supplement companies and never lost a shred of credibility.  Frankly, too many of the most educated men in this game feel the need to peddle supplements and services. That’s fine, I don’t begrudge anyone making a living, but many of them have hurt their professional standing in the community by making fantastic claims about bullshit powders, pills and sprays.  Many of the so-called gurus have taken on the attitude that you should take for granted that their going to have to shill supplements in an unethical fashion, and that those in the know should ignore this and respect their work outside of the marketing and sales realm.  I’m sorry, but when I’m giving someone props, I’m reviewing their whole body of work, not purposely ignoring bits and pieces.  While it may be possible for someone like myself to sort the wheat from the chaff, no newbie to the sport will ever be able to make that distinction.  And therein lies my problem.

I don’t think that a guru needs to be the biggest guy in the gym, not by any stretch. Its like football, a good old tiny coach can tell 280 pound guys what to do and how to do it but couldn’t begin to move like they do. That’s not a problem in my book, but it is a problem when gurus pretend to be as tough as the guys they train. I doubt any head coach trains along side the players, its not expected. So by the same token a guru shouldn’t claim to be a freak of nature when they simply aren’t. I think a lot of people will only listen to the biggest guys around them, what a bad idea. Hell, they are probably big because they are genetically predisposed. Go find the hard gainer; the former pencil neck knows more about gaining mass then does the genetic freak.

A good guru is a lot like a baby-sitter. They know the general rules of the game, what can be expected, what to do in certain events. They know how to adjust the game to take advantage of every new position. This is the most important ability any guru can possess. It’s impossible to generalize about drug reactions with individual athletes, all you can do is know what to expect, what to try, and be able to modify your plans on the fly. This takes wit and it takes practice. This is why its helpful if a guru has first hand experience with the drugs he talks about. It’s fine to talk about anadrol this and winstrol that, but until you have actually used those drugs yourself your voice lacks a certain ring of authority. Granted, I will listen to a guy in a lab coat any day over the morons in my gym, but if the guy was a PhD biochemist and told me about his personal reactions to this new steroid then I would be much more inclined to try it myself.  Anyone who’s ever both researched and used steroids will quickly realize that the facts and suppositions about steroids gathered from research are rarely reflective of what happens with real world use.

Lastly I think a good guru needs to be humble. Look, you are not really responsible for that much. Your clients do most of the work. You cannot try to claim credit for their accomplishments. I know it may be hard to stand in the shadow of such impressive physiques. Hell, can you imagine giving Dorian Yates steroid help? Wouldn’t it be depressing to work with someone who was at that level when you know you can’t be there yourself? I think it most certainly is; that’s why some guys try to absorb the achievements of their clients.

So where does that leave us? Well, I decided a long time ago that there was very little good information on steroids out there. I have read most of the popular books from the WAR and Underground Steroid Handbook to the newest one, Anabolics 2000. Moreover, you know what, its all bullshit. It is all the same information being recycled repeatedly with each person adding his own little pet theory. The truth is that there is a lot we don’t know about steroids and how they work, we don’t know why some steroids seem to exhibit estrogenic properties when, from a chemical structure perspective, they shouldn’t be able to. Yes, we theorize all the time about it, but the truth is that most of the steroid books out there are nothing more then picture books. The only thing you can use them for is to know if your steroids are real or not (or at least have a chance in hell of guessing about it).  And the reality of those pictures is that they’re probably outdated 6 months after the book is published.  Look, counterfeiters read those books too.  And despite what many think, most counterfeit steroid ops are not two guys in a basement with a shitload of vials, a bottle of Wesson oil, and a hand crimper.  These are big time operations, as there is real money to be made counterfeiting gear.  If you’re a counterfeiter, and you see your product appearing in Anabolics 2000 as a counterfeit, how long is it going to take you to change the label?

The best sources of information are online. There are online steroid sites that recreate the text of every major steroid manual and will give you a primer in that particular drug. I think the best site out there right now (and its free) is The Anabolic Emporium. So when you want to know the basic information about a drug i.e. its chemical name, the recommended dosage, and period of action in the body go to that site first. That should be your first step.

The second step is to use an on-line medical database to look through journals and read abstracts; a good site for this is Medline. Unfortunately, you are not going to find medical studies on how to put on as much shredded mass as you want nor are you going to find many studies that deal with bodybuilders. But you can do what Duchaine did. You can extrapolate information from the steroid studies that have been done. Go read a study on oxandrolone therapy on HIV patients. While that is not going to tell you what to expect if you, a healthy bodybuilder, pump yourself full of the drug, it will provide you with more information. For example, if you look up testosterone undecoanate you can see that there is almost no clinical evidence to support that it works. Even in seriously ill patients (HIV), the drug appeared to do little to base testosterone levels. That means it probably will not do much for you and you can save your money and not buy it! Congratulations!

Many people are too lazy to go out and do their own research and that makes me sick. What is their logic; they are just going to shoot themselves full of a bunch of drugs and find out what happens or maybe ask some guy in the gym what to do. Fuck that! It would be a cold day in hell I take drug advice from someone and don’t check into it for myself. There is nothing wrong with asking for advice, but when someone tells you to take a drug you haven’t already investigated the logical thing to do is go and check it out. Find out if tales of liver toxicity are exaggerated (like anadrol), or find out that there are no magical fat-loss properties to supposed “cutting” drugs like winstrol.  Often times, listening to the advice of others will simply have you believing the same bodybuilding myths that have been circulating for years.

There is no holy grail of weightlifting and no secret drug that will change everything. The key to success is information and study. Do not believe everything you read. The vast majority of “authorities” on the subject of steroids know very little more then you do, they just project confidence and authority. Be your own guru! Grendel out! 

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