March 09, 2001
Issue # 37

Keeping the Girl
Grendel

Last issue I talked a lot about my opinions on why we lift weights and I got a lot of positive feedback. Now I want to talk about the ultimate reason that most guys lift weights (or at least start to lift weights) and this reason is…women.

The classic image most people have of weightlifting is the old Charles Atlas advertisements in the back of magazines. They showed a skinny kid getting picked on at the beach in front of his girl (or girl-to-be). The kid went home, ordered his Charles Atlas products, and then went back and kicked some ass and got the girl. Sound familiar? 

Ok, now this article is going to be a bit personal, but that is the nature of some of the better writing I have produced. And I must admit, I have a double motive for writing this article; I am trying to resolve some important issues in my own life so that I can be a better boyfriend to a very special woman. That’s why I have been so introspective.

Alright, now if you remember my last article (Man and Superman) you will remember I asked you to consider the primitive Grendel (not my current suave self). Now let’s consider a non-human Grendel. In the animal world (as we are animals remember), the male of the species has numerous adaptive features designed for only one purpose; attract a mate. Last issue I talked about why this was important (to pass on genetic code), but now I want to focus on how this is accomplished.

Many animals have bright plumage designed to signal to their potential mates; the peacock is the prime animal example in this case. Other species have mating rituals or dances (really just a series of simple movements) designed to demonstrate their desirability as a mate. And still other animals fight intensely for female affection.

Interestingly, it seems that humans have managed to keep all of these behaviors. Our “bright feathers” are clothes and…muscles. Our mating rituals can still be considered dancing although I think that dating is a far better example; a date is really nothing more then a posturing designed to show how great you are. And as for fighting, well, does anyone question me that human males still fight for their mates?

So, if we can learn anything from animals, it appears that there are three criteria for attraction.

1. Physical Display

2. Mating Ritual

3. Fighting Prowess

Now those are pretty crude right? I will now translate that into modern parlance.

1. Physical Appearance (includes displays of wealth i.e. your clothes and shoes)

2. Social Interaction: this is a catch-all for everything from how you behave on a date to who you know.

3. Social Standing: basically how high up on the ladder of life you are. Now this can be determined in a lot of ways and frankly fighting still has its place, but general I think of things like income and career when I think of this category.

Now, the key difference between humans and the lower animals (for this comparison, anyway) is that humans don’t like to be reminded of our animal behavior. We go to great length to hide these primal instincts. So while the male peacock can freely preen its feathers, we human males need to be a bit subtler. For instance, we have all seen Mr. Spandex at the gym. Sure, he is showing off his muscles and yeah, he looks good, but he does not have the same impact as someone who is lower key about his looks. The female is going to notice the peacock feathers no matter what you do, but if you are dancing about in front of them…well, it’s probably not the best modern move.

Social standing is also another point that you should take pains not to flaunt. No one likes a show-off. Again, the female deer may be impressed that her mate-to-be had knocked the shit out of countless other male deer to earn her, but if you start dropping guys at a dance club you are not, in all likelihood, leaving that club with a woman unless she is in uniform and has a badge.

Now everything I have just said is general. Sure, we all know that sometimes being blatant works particularly if you are someone like Frank Sepe. But for the more normal guys (and the non-famous) there are better moves. According to psychologists, the key determinant of attraction is proximity. Yep, that’s right, not muscle size or income, but proximity. Explains a lot of behaviors to me, especially work-place relationship and affairs. Most guys have that one lady at the office (or gym or school) that they think about.

Now I am guilty of thinking that if I got the external symbols I would pull down the girls. Frankly, when I was a fat piece of shit I got lots more girls then I do now. Now, as a caveat, I don’t want just any girl now, there is a very specific one for me at this moment. But aside from that, lets go back to the point I was trying to make. Now I thought if I got big muscles and a nice car and went to law school I would be swamped in women. This is, for the most part, true. Except for one thing.

The girls you really want care about more then that. They don’t date you for the muscles or the sports car; they date you for the person you really are. Now, I know that sounds corny but its true. Took me years to realize it. The things that I think are going for me are not really that important (my muscles, etc) it’s the more intangible things that are alluring. Now, I am not speaking of pulling down some bar slut. If you want that, then get out your spandex, rent a Mercedes sports car, and put on some platinum (change your name to Jay-Z too while you are at it).

So, back to keeping that important girl! The truth is probably that you are more hung up on your muscles and your success then she is. I know that is the case for me. I stand there with my beautiful girl and I think to myself “Man, my arms need work” and you know what she is thinking? She is thinking something like “I wonder who he thinks influenced western literature the most.”

Where am I going with all this? To a very simple statement! You probably spend 2 hours a day in the gym for what, five days a week. That is 10 hours a week on yourself, on your physical appearance. Add in the time you spend eating and working and you see you don’t really spend much time on the real you. That has been my problem for the last 4 years, I have spent too much time on the external and not enough time on the internal. That is why, when I was fat, I got more girls; I had no choice but to be a genuine thoughtful guy. Now I just hope my arms get attention. That is not what I want anymore. I think it is important to spend equal time on internal development so that your outside and your inside can both reflect a serious commitment to perfection.

I probably fooled a lot of you with this article’s title. Sorry about that, but I feel like I said something really important to say. I am reminded of a Bible verse “So what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul. For what can a man give in exchange for his soul?” It may be a bit dramatic, I agree. But the spirit of the passage is exactly what I am talking about. When it comes to finding and keeping a very special person in your life, it doesn’t matter how big your arms are or how much you can squat or even how much money you make a year. It only matters that if all those things were taken away you would still be a person; you would still exist. So that is my personal goal now. I will always try to improve my body; that is not going to stop. But I am going to devote equal time to improving my spirit and my mind.

I hope my readers will forgive me my wanderings these last few weeks. I know I have strayed from the path of pure steroids and weightlifting. But this is a reflection of my own life and my own internal state, my world has no choice but to expand and I am hoping to share this internal growth with my readers as I have tried to share some tricks and secrets for external growth. Grendel out. 

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