March 02, 2001
Issue # 36

Man And Superman
Grendel

Well, I am out here in California staying with Jason and Carol and living the good life, which translates to eating, sleeping and watching TV. But just because I am physically on vacation does not mean I am on writing vacation. Jason has chained me to the wall in the basement and will not let me out unless I get an article out this week.

There is a question that has been haunting me for some time. It is a very simple question: Why? Why do I lift weight and take drugs? And so this article is my answer to myself and to all of you. This is an article I really want feedback on because I am trying to understand something of critical importance to me and probably to you too.

If I said I didn’t lift weights for attention I would be lying. The bottom line is that I don’t lift weights for physical health or to directly improve my performance in a sport. I lift weights because I want respect from me and attention from women. Pretty shallow huh? Except, and this is the tough part, every aspect of my biology is aimed towards these two goals.

Imagine a primitive Grendel. Not too hard right. What occupies my time? The quest for food and for a mate, that’s about it. My muscles are designed to help me hunt and run so that I can get enough food to live and to mate successfully so that my basic genetic makeup is passed on. This is not some bizarre theory I created looking at myself in the fucking mirror. For years scientists have been advancing the theory that humans are nothing but transport systems for our DNA; we have no purpose in this world but to pass on our genetic sequences so that the overall good of the species is furthered. The goal of evolution is only evolution and we are nothing more then another transient species. Not a very ego-boosting perspective is it, not something to define your existence is it?

Ok, but back to my original statement. My whole biology is designed to let me fight off predators, including other humans, so that I can get food and a mate. Fast-forward a few hundred thousand years to modern day, 21^st century, Grendel with his laptop, cellular phone, and modern health care. Society has grown, like ivy, up and through the basic chemical urges that drive the species, we have coated our primal reactions with a venire of civilization, but I still feel those primal needs. 

Studies, probably by evolutionist, have shown that the body most attractive to women (on a biological level) is as follows; large strong jaw, powerful upper-body, and muscular arms. The reason is that this makes you a good hunter. Obviously, I no longer need the big arms and chest to hunt (I need an MBA or a MD after my last name) but I still feel like I need them.

Nietzsche said "Man is a rope, tied between beast and [superman]--a rope over an abyss...What is great in man is that he is a bridge and not an end:” And this is the statement I am most reminded of when I think hard about my involvement in weightlifting and bodybuilding. It is an animal instinct and it is a reaction, a reaction to pain.

Ironically the best analogy I can make right now is about muscle. A muscle does not grow until it is too weak to continue, until it is made inadequate. You are not putting on muscle in the gym because you lift the same weight everyday; you are growing because your muscle is not sufficient.

For me, I started lifting weights because I was not adequate. I was fat. I could not do what I felt I needed to do because my appearance was holding me back, probably more internally then externally. So, like a muscle put under the tension of a heavy iron weight, I responded to adverse stress by adapting and growing. It was a good thing that I did this; it has improved my life a lot but, like a particular weight or a movement, it has limits.

Ok so now, I have reached a decent level. I am not, and never will be, among the ranks of professional bodybuilders. I know this for a fact. Bodybuilding was about growth, it was about overcoming an obstacle. But, I honestly thought that having bigger arms would make me a better person on some level. And so I learned everything I could about every path to that goal; that invisible resting place where I would be happy.

Someone very dear to me told me “happiness is not a place, it is not a destination.” Reminds me of what Nietzsche said (only she is a lot cuter) when he spoke about the rope between beast and superman. So hear I was, walking that path towards some ultimate (unreachable) goal and feeling bad because I was not already standing on the other side.  

So what does this all mean? It means that I understand that it’s entirely about walking that path. There will always be someone farther along then me or just beginning. I know now that I am not going to make it to superman. It is not, in this case, the destination so much as the journey.

Well, I am sure some of you are busy gagging and retching over this sappy bullshit or saying “Who does he think he is…Ayn Rand or Mike Menzter?” That was not my intent in writing this article; I wanted to think about why I did something as all encompassing as bodybuilding. I try to eat a certain way, sleep a certain amount each night, and have to make it to the gym at least 6 times a week. Everyone reading this article is probably doing the same thing. But some people take it to a ridiculous level that begins to hurt their private lives and these are people who are not and never will be professionals. If you are Ronnie Coleman then hell yeah, weightlifting is your number one priority, no question about it.

Weightlifting has hurt my personal life in many ways; I have a lot of behaviors that are important to building muscle but appear (and are) very selfish and self-centered. Drugs fuck with my mood. My question right now is what is worth it. I would really like to hear from everyone out there as to what they think is worth it. Do you feel that it is hard striking a balance between your personal life and your bodybuilding aspirations? Do you even believe in balance or should every bodybuilder live this hardcore lifestyle?

Alright, well I am done with my rambling for this week. Sorry about departing from my usual articles, but I feel like I needed a break. Until next week.

 BACK TO CURRENT ISSUE