anabolic extreme archives issue #2 dnp and insulin 2

July 2000
Issue #12

The Mr. Olympia Survival Guide
By Jason Meuller

As we all know, the Mr. Olympia contest is steadily approaching. I'm sure many of you are like me, chomping at the bit, eagerly anticipating the big weekend in Vegas. However, having a good time at the Mr. O isn't as simple as hopping on a plane and watching the show. It's much more involved that that. Fortunately dear AE readers, I'm here to make your trip as enjoyable as possible.

Bring a Backpack
The most enjoyable part of last years show was the expo. And at the expo, it seems like damn near everyone is trying to give you something. Unless you like performing a static hold with about 50 lbs of shit in your hand, I'd suggest bringing a backpack. Lord knows that we all want to take advantage of all the free supplements we can possible handle, right?

Carry Some Vicks Vapor-Rub
Remember, that scene in Silence of the Lambs where they rubbed the Vicks in their nose before they pulled the cover off the dead body? Well, the intestinal tract of the average bodybuilder makes a rotten, waterlogged corpse smell like a rose garden. The Mr. Olympia expo can be a dangerous place for the unprepared. Imagine if you will a room filled with hundreds of extremely flatulent bodybuilders, all of whom are ingesting as much free protein as they can possible handle. I'm really surprised they don't post signs warning people of the danger of explosion.

The problem with the expo is that everyone there is engaged in some form of tactical farting. You're simply not going to be able to attend without walking through more man-sized fart bubbles than one person can really tolerate. There were times last year when I felt faint. You'll know what I mean when you walk through the noxious fumes created by a Met-RX/Cell-Tech/Myoplex fueled fart. Do yourself a favor and rub a little Vicks in each nostril. And be ready to burn your clothes at the end of each day.

Dress Appropriately
The thing that makes the Olympia so great is you get to see the very best physiques in the world gathered in one place. It really is a collection of some of the most beautiful, best-built men and women in the world. Unfortunately, many people tend to forget that fact when they pack their bags for the show.

Let me give you a few examples of what I'm talking about. Joe Blow is going to his first Olympia and decides to pack all of the clothes that best show off his physique. Unfortunately, Joe happens to weigh about 210 lbs at 18% body fat. Poor Joe is going to be suffering from a major inferiority complex when he gets to the Olympia and sees the likes of Nasser and Dillet walking around. Solution? Unless you've got a world-class physique, don't pack the shirt that's three sizes too small. Wear something stylish and comfortable, not something that's going to accentuate the fact that you've only been lifting weights for 6 months.

It's also important to remember that off-season bodybuilders don't look very good standing next to a guy who's 3% body fat. There's going to be some pretty big boys at the Mr. O, some ripped, some not. Some of us choose to get downright bloated in the off-season, and hey, who really cares? However, those of us that choose for the big-as-a-house look in the off-season really should avoid certain types of clothing. I'm referring specifically to spandex. Here's a tip. If you're over 15%, don't wear spandex of any kind. The images I have of fat off-season bodybuilders wearing nut-hugging spandex shorts are almost too painful to mention.

Finally, let me state unequivocally that cowboy boots do not go with hot pants. I'm sure all of you who attended last years show know the gentlemen I'm referring too. I think he even had a picture in Flex. This is a fashion faux pas of the most serious nature. If you're planning to wear hot pants to the show, at least get a pair of high heels. 'Nuff said.

Don't Bring Your Girlfriend!
Bringing your girlfriend to the Olympia is a big mistake. Unless she's really interested in bodybuilding and fitness, leave her at home. First of all, there's more scattered female ass here than at any other event you're ever going to attend. This creates several problems for any male dumb enough to bring along his loving girlfriend. Most women do not do well in situations where they are surrounded by women more attractive than themselves, and let's face it men, most of you do not have girlfriends that can compete in a beauty contest with the likes of an Amy Fadhli or Monica Brant.

Scenario #1 - You're walking around the expo with your lady and she catches you looking at Debbie Kruck.

"Honey, you don't think she's attractive, do you?"

The potential danger of this situation is usually compounded by the fact that she has to ask you twice since you were mesmerized by Mrs. Kruck's ass the first time. Now this is about as loaded a question as they come, and there really is no correct answer. The fact that you've been asked pretty much means that you're already screwed. Seriously, what are you going to say?

"Uhh, no honey, actually I find her quite disgusting. I was just wondering how they can have someone that ugly endorsing their product."

Scenario #2 - Again, you and your lovely GF are walking around the expo. She suddenly feels the need to comment on each and every female she sees.

"Her boobs are way to big"
"Honey, I can see some cellulite on her thighs. Isn't that gross?"
"She's pretty, but her butt is too bubbly"

Now, this will go on and on, usually to the point where you just want to get the hell our there simply so you don't have to listen to her comment on every beautiful woman you see. Despite the fact that you've possibly traveled thousands of miles in order to attend this event, the Mr. Olympia expo will soon seem like Purgatory itself with your girlfriend tagging along.

Scenario #3 - Let's not forget the cruel politics of the bodybuilding world. There's always the chance that you and the 'ole ball and chain are walking around when she spots Frank Sepe. All of a sudden, it's time for a role reversal.

"Honey, you don't find him attractive do you? Honey? Honey!"

Plan On Having The Time Of Your Life
All joking aside, attending the Mr. O is probably one of the most enjoyable vacations you're ever going to take. Where else can you get together with thousands of like-minded individuals and wreak havoc upon the unsuspecting population of Las Vegas? I liken the Vegas Olympia experience to a leper's convention. Alone, a leper will get stoned and beaten. However, get enough of them together and watch the public run in fright!

For the most part, we as bodybuilders live a very mundane existence. While everyone else gets to go out and party Friday nights, we're at home trying to eat that last meal and making sure we get enough rest for tomorrow's tough workout. Like Christmas, the Mr. O comes once a year. Make the most of it.

Cut loose. Have a drink. Get crazy. Who's going to know? Three days of wild bacchanalian orgies isn't going to hurt anybody. Don't worry about your diet, don't worry about going to the gym, you're going to have the time of your life. See you there.

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